Nepali Adult Jokes

Here are the Nepali Adult Jokes

Poor man catches a fish,
Wife couldnt cook coz there was
No gas,
No electricity,
No oil,
Then, man puts fish back in river..
Fish comes up n shouts..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
”Baburam Bhattarai Zindabad!!” 😛

 

 

Once. . .bill gates went to a restaurant. . . .and he gave a tip of only 2 dollars to the waiter. . . . .
Waiter wz surprizd at dis nd he said. . – yesterday ur s0n gave me a tip of 100 dolars. . .bt u. . .only 2!??
Wise reply by bill gates : he z the s0n of a billionare. . .bt m the s0n of a farmer. .:ppp

 

 

 

Why do woman rub their
eyes when they woke up??
…..
because they do not have balls to scratch.

 

 

 

Q : What’s the difference between Mother’s & Girlfriend’s tears??

A Classic Answer..

Mother’s tears “EFFECT Our HEART”
&
Girlfriend’s tears “EFFECT Our POCKET”….xD 😛

(18+ joke)

Height of being horny
Girl:Dr.mero bf ko m*al ekdum thulo cha….
Jaba vitra jancha taba liver ma gayera thokincha….

Dr.- Uso vaye ma usko m*al choto banaidiu??

Girl-Nai doctor, bas mero liver lai alikati mathi saardinus….!!

 

 

A 23 yr old girl got pregnant
The Mother angrily shouts:
Who was dat pig? Call him here right now
30 min later, a big car stops in front of their house
A matured grey haired boy in an expensive suit steps out
Boy: I am sorry for the problem, But I cant marry her
If a boy is born, I’ll give u 2 stores, a villa & $ 2million
If a girl is born, I’ll give u 2 factories & $ 5million
But in case of a Miscarriage, what do u suggest I do?
Mother: F*** HER AGAIN! 😛

 

Boy: hello, sweet heart..
Girl: hello dear,
Boy: K cha tani maya, malai temro
nikai yaad aai rahecha ni..
Girl: lau, agi varkhar kura garya
hoena phone ma?
…………….
Boy: Hyatterika, ferry temelai nai
garechu?? 

 

 

Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.

Student : I is the ………

Teacher : Stop!! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’.

Student : Ok. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. 😛

 

 

Employee: Sir, you called me?
Boss: Yeah, Go to the restroom and masturbate.
Employee (after few minutes):Done sir. Boss: Do it again.
Employee:Done it again.
Boss: Do it once more.
Employee: Now I don’t have much stamina for it sir.

Boss: Very good. Here’s the keys of my car. Drop my daughter home

 

 

principal enter the classroom n kiss madam..n said: see children aids does not transmitt through kissing..
.

student: sir plzz show us how does it transmitt also..

 

धुर्मुसे मुलासाग को घर गयेर:-
धुर्मेसे:- ए मुलासाग मलाई तिम्रि छोरि को हात चहियो?
मुलासाग :- तलाई मुर्दार किन चहियो मेरो छोरि सुंतलि को हात???
.
.
.
धुर्मुसे:- किनकि अब मेरो हात थाकि सक्यो……..
बुझ्ने ले हास्नु, नबुझ्ने ले कार्टुन नेट्वोर्क हेर्दै बस्नु!

 

 

 

Cute Proposal. ♥

Boy: Aren’t Your Legs Paining?

Girl: No Why Are You Asking?

Boy: Because You Have Been Running In My Mind For A Long Time !♥! -.-

 

 

Nepali & American college principals argued that their students are fearless.
.
American college principle called d
students n asked to jump in sea full of sharks.
.
They jumped Principal said:
“see the guts”
.
Nepali Principal called the students
& told them to jump.
They said-
“pagal vako chas kya takle?”
.
Principal said :
“see the guts”:P

 

 

 

A beautiful girl asks lift from you.

On the way she faints and you take her to hospital. Doctor says

‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.

’THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.

You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.

Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you can never become a father.

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.

Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

THIS IS REAL TENSION…………

 

 

 

Man in bed with wife, sliding his hand slowly across her back,shoulders, jst brushing her, legs, spreads her legs apart & runs his hand everywhere moves back towards top & stops.
Wife gasps..”Why did u stop…hmm..?”

Man-Remote vetiyo….timi suta aba….

 

 

 

Teacher: Explain responsibility.

Student: mam your blouse has
four buttons, if three buttons
break down the entire
responsibility will be on the
fourth one……….

 

 

 

A 13 year girl at a bra shop…
Girl-show me bra
.
Shop keeper-36″?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-32″?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-24″?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-20″?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper(in angry)-madam u take some
cream it must b a pimple……..

New update:

One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese buffalo. He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself.

Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself.

Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, “Having a bad day, huh? I’ll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I’ll bring everyone back to life.
But if you don’t, I will kill you.” He tries to do it, but doesn’t make it. She kills him.

Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, “If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?” She tells him, “If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive.”

He then asks, “Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what’s stopping you from dying? That’s what happened to the buffalo.” xD xP

If you know what I mean

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हर दिन सुर्य भन्दा पहिला तिम्रो अनुहार हेर्न पाँउ

हर रात तिम्रै काखमा लडिबुडी खेल्दै कोल्टो
फेर्न पाँउ

तिम्रा काख धेरै भिजाए अब तिम्रो जीवनमा खुसिको
वर्षा गर्न पाँउ

भोक लाग्यो आमा भन्दा आफ्नै गाँस खुवाउथ्यौ, बस अब तिम्रो पेट सधै भर्न पाँउ

हास्न पाँउ तिम्रो आंगालोमा, तिम्रै आंगालोमा रुन पाँउ

अरु केही चाहिदैन मेरि आमा, बस तिम्रो
नजरमा एक असल छोरा हुन पाँउ ।…

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श्रीमान : बिहेपछि त जीन्दगी कुकुरको जस्तो भैराछ ।
श्रीमती : के को कुकुरको जस्तो हुनु नि कुकुरभन्दा पनि विजोग भने सुहाउँछ ।
श्रीमान : किननी ?
श्रीमती : अब कुकुरले १ घण्टासम्म नन्स्टप चिक्छ तिमि भने एक मिनेट पनि तग्न सक्दैनौ ।

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Classic Insult

Girl : Mero hareik saas ma SAAYOU(100) keta haru marxaan
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Boy : Xi Saali daat maajney gaar

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शिक्षिका : यस्तो चिजको नाम भन जुन तिमि देख्न सक्छौ तर छुन सक्दैनौ
विद्यार्थी : मिस तपाईको वुवु ।

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have s^x with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus.

The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have s^x with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have s^x with you.”

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!”

The man tells the nun that she must first have s^x with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal s^x.

Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud s^x. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

“Ha, ha!” he says, “I’m the man from the bus!”

“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume, “I’m the bus driver!” xD

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एकपटक प्रकाश पौडेल पिसावले च्यापेर हतार हतारमा ट्वाईलेट पसेछ र तर दुर्भाग्यवश त्यो त लेडिज ट्वाईलेट पो परेछ ।
यत्तिकैमा त्यही ट्वाईलेटमा पिसाव फेर्दै गरेकी पुजना प्रधान बेस्सरी चिच्याईछन् : मुर्दार यो केटीहरुको लागि हो भन्ने थाहा छैन ?
प्रकाश के गरुँ के गरुँ भएछ र हतार हतार मा प्यान्टको फस्नर खोली लाँडो देखाउँदै भनेछ : यो पनि त केटीहरुकै लागि त हो नि मोरी ।

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एक युवती प्लाष्टिक र्सजनसँग :
युवती : डाक्टरसाब मेरो पुतीनेर अर्को प्वाल थप्नु पर्‍यो
डाक्टर : (छक्क पर्दै) किननि ?
युवती : धन्दा एकदम राम्रो चल्दैछ । त्यसैले नि ।

X GF को Mob मा मेरो फोटो रैछ,
सोधे तिमी अझै नि मलाई माया गर्छौ
भनिन् यो तिमी मर्दा हार्दिक श्रर्दाञ्जली भनेर FB मा हाल्न राख्या

 

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